Jan 07 2008
Stay At Home Mom?
Last week our babysitter informed us that she has applied for a job, meaning we’d be looking for a new babysitter once again. Our current babysitter is already The Babito’s second one. She’s been really great with him and he adjusted quickly when we switched to her, but we really don’t want to have to put him through that again.
My wife would really love to stay home with him, especially since we’re planning to try for Babito #2 this year. I know the money would be much tighter than it is now, but the benefits of my wife being with him all day long would surely outweigh the sacrifices we’d have to make. Right now we basically just buy and do whatever we feel like buying or doing, and that would definitely have to change.
I’d love to hear from you stay-at-home moms out there (or even you men married to stay-at-home moms). How did things change once you made the decision to stay at home? How did you adjust for the change in the money situation? Did you notice any change in your children? Any tips, advice, or stories you’d like to share would be greatly appreciated.
I’d really love for my wife to stay home with The Babito. I think it would be great for both him and my wife.
how about the stay-at-home dads?
My wife is a stay-at-home mom. It was difficult at first, the thing that seems to make the most difference is scheduling. Create a schedule for how the day is going to go and stick to it. Have designated time as play time, nap time, meal time, etc.
Another thing to be aware of, I don’t know how old your current son is but my son was between one and two years old when my wife was pregnant with our second child. When my son realized that something had changed with my wife and we started talking to him about a new baby, he became very irritable and aggressive with my wife. After talking with other parents this is apparently very normal but something we were unprepared for.
As far as dealing with the costs, we cut down to one car that we share. Cutting out a car payment was a big help, plus no longer paying for daycare. I am close enough to work that I come home for lunch everyday so I save money from eating out daily for lunch. Those are some of the things that we did.
I will say this, in spite of it being very difficult sometimes to be with our kids 24-7 my wife has found it to be very rewarding and is glad we made the decision to have her stay home.
Good luck with this decision! I know it’s a hard one!
One of the most important things is that it’s what she wants. After that, I believe everything will fall into place. Of course there will be sacrifices, but in the end I’m sure it will work out (that’s what I’ve been told at least
).
Jeff: Or stay-at-home dads. I didn’t mean to exclude anyone. =)
Bryan: Thanks for the advice. He’s currently on a pretty good schedule with the babysitter, so we would definitely keep him on that. Luckily for us we don’t have a car payment right now, so we’d be ok there.
Debbie: It’s definitely what she wants, it’s just a matter of us being able to afford it financially. It’s not cheap living in Southern California. You’re right that things will work themselves out, we’ll just have to go through an adjustment period. Thanks!
Thanks for visiting - I’ll gladly share some tips!
I would highly recommend it if it’s what your wife wants. But warn her that it’s a very demanding job. The most demanding job I’ve ever had! As a former teacher (for 7 years), I can honestly say that it was easier to manage a classroom of 30 kids than it is to take care of a baby and a home. However, the hard work is worth it every single day! It may be easier for her though, because your son is older and on a schedule. She’ll probably be able to have more down time than I am able to get (with my little ball of booger that’s stuck to me all day).
We were pretty much the same as you guys as far as money goes. No debt (except for house) so we would buy what we wanted and go on LOTS of trips. So we had to get adjusted to not being able to do that as much. Here’s how we did it.
We made the decision during December that I would stay home (baby due in July). So we started living as if we only had his salary in Jan in order to get used to the life style change. That allowed us to save my entire salary from Jan to July to build up a very nice savings account (a huge sense of security!). I also can’t stress enough how important it is for us to budget each month! We even budget for secret spending money so we don’t feel like we’ve lost all of our financial freedom (VERY important for me since I’ve always been used to having ‘my own’ money). I also cook extra big meals each night so that we both have left overs the next day for lunch. This saves us a lot of money because we used to go out to lunch every day.
One more thing I would advise, is to allow a time for just her each week. As much as I love spending every minute with my baby . . .it is EVERY minute. So I go to yoga every week, go the store while he watches her, or even just disappear upstairs for a while just to catch a breath. These short breaks are often all I need - they act as my reset button.
Well, sorry for authoring a book on your comments page. Hope this helps and good luck!!!
Avill: Thanks so much for all of that information! Very, very helpful and some great ideas. Don’t worry about writing a book…..the more information and advice we can get the better off we’ll be. Thanks! =)
I was an super busy engineer before I stayed home. I did it for 2+ years before our business launch. It was hard, but then we have 2 kids. They wore me out daily and by the time 4p.m. rolls around I’m looking at the clock and counting minutes before he came home. Having one child vs two children is very different. Their naps were staggered which meant I didn’t get any alone moment, they played off of each and if one cried, the other one follows, or they fight like cats and dogs, or they team up to bully mama… Never a dull moment for sure.
I agree with avill that, do allow her alone-time. There’s a reason why people say phrases like “all touched out” to describe some sahms (or dads too?).
The finances part will work itself out if you keep yourself on top of it. But you do need to be extra conscious about money. Generic diapers replaced branded, etc.
I worked as a paralegal the first year of parenthood and the situation just didn’t work out for us.
We were miserable with the daycare situation, our daughter was sick constantly, the bulk of my salary was consumed by the cost of commuting and daycare, etc.
We sat down and plugged numbers for several months and really discussed the pros/cons. Financially, it’s been a bit of a lifestyle change to adjust to living on one-income, but possible. We downgraded our television package, stopped eating take-out, started buying generic brands, and other money-saving tactics…and everything did work out.
The plus side is that I really love staying home. Our daughter is thriving from getting that one-on-one attention and I love feeling like I’m not missing out on such a crucial time in her life. Plus, we’d like another soon, and the cost of putting two children through daycare just wasn’t a possibility. (It would involve working just to pay childcare and nothing more…no point to that.)
I think if it’s in your hearts and a decision that you’re both happy with, things will work out accordingly and God will guide you. (I’m sure your son will be thrilled too!)
Jennic: Thanks for the advice! I agree that the finances will work out. I’ll be sure to give her plenty of alone-time. Everybody needs some of that on a regular basis, and we’ve been good about that so far.
Jamie: My wife’s been saying the same thing, that God will provide for us. I know The Babito will be happy to have his Mommy home with him all day. She’s really looking forward to it and so am I. Thanks for your comments.
I went straight from finishing college to motherhood, so I’ve been “home” for, eeeeek, almost 11 years. I did manage a little local coffee shop until Katie (my youngest, 4) was born and it was nice to have my own thing to do outside of the home while the boys were in school, but the income left almost as easily as it came!
My husband is a firefighter, makes a modest income and takes on side jobs and teaching jobs that he’s interested in. It’s my job to support him and make our family budget work. It isn’t always easy, but we make it work. Costco and sticking to a grocery list are my life savers. Also, not eating out whenever we feel like. We save money renting dvd’s by using netflix. I love netflix, and we easily could spend our monthly fee on ONE trip to the video store, so it’s worth it.
Hope this helps. You can make it work if you are committed to it and you stick to a plan. And I really think having a parent home is worth the sacrifices for us. I can work when they are older.
Carrie: Thanks for sharing your experiences. My wife is enjoying all the comments on this post!