Daddy Dan

A 21-year old Texas man was arrested at a Fort Worth bank for allegedly trying to cash a forged check.

Apparently the teller was tipped off because the check was for $360 BILLION DOLLARS!

The man told the bank that his girlfriend’s mother had given him the money to start a record company.   

That would be one HELL of a record company!

Hat tip to A Dad’s Life for this story.

Parents Fight Over Which Gang Their Toddler Should Join

A couple fighting about which gang their 4-year-old toddler should join caused a public disturbance that resulted in the father’s arrest, Commerce City police said Thursday.   

His girlfriend told police that they had been arguing about the upbringing of their son and which gang he should belong to. The teen mother, who is black, is a member of the Crips. Manzanares is Hispanic and belongs to the Westside Ballers gang, the woman said.

Sad, Sad, Sad.  Is there any hope for this world?  I’m afraid of the world The Babito will grow up in.

Have you seen this? Is it real? I can’t imagine the Lakers (or his contract) would allow him to do something like this.

I’ve watched it over and over and decided that it really is Kobe jumping, but he’s not jumping over the car.

Watch closely and you can tell that Kobe is closer to the camera than the car. He’s jumping next to the car, but it does look, at first viewing that he does jump it.

What do you think?

Steer Breaks Out of Slaughterhouse

A steer about to be “processed” at a Cincinnati, Ohio slaughterhouse made a daring escape, bolting through a gate that had been left open. The animal was last seen heading toward the woods. There’s a widespread steerhunt going on both on the ground and with a sheriff’s helicopter. Authorities warn drivers to be on the lookout and not to pick up any hitchhikers that may appear to weigh upwards of 1,000 pounds with 5 foot long horns sticking out of their head.

Man Sets Radio Station On Fire for Playlist

A volunteer at a local radio station set fire to the station after he disagreed with the station’s playlist. The man apparently had developed a playlist of mellow jazz music that the station was to play overnight. The station later changed the playlist and apparently really pissed him off. Apparently the man’s playlist was titled, “Mellow Down Easy.” He faces 2-20 years in prison.

Mother Blames 2-Year Old Son After He’s Maimed by Family Dog

A two-year old boy’s face was horribly scarred by the family’s pet Mastif-staffordshire. Time to kill the dog, right? Nope, the mother is blaming the child, a TWO YEAR OLD!

“People are telling me I should shoot the dog, and as much as I love my son to death, I believe Noah (the son) was annoying her. I love the dog and she’s part of the family,” the mother stated. The mother apparently warned the TODDLER. “Noah was lying all over her and he started pulling her ears,” she said. “I told him not to or she’d get cranky.”

Apparently she didn’t think to maybe get the boy off the dog. Apparently nothing will happen to the dog, according to police, because the attack happened at the house where the dog lived.

So Much Plastic Surgery, So Few Results

A Brazilian model, Angela Bismarchi, is about to undergo her 42nd plastic surgery, nearing the Guinness record of 47 surgeries. She’s having “nylon wires implanted in her eyes to give them an Asian slant.”

When I read this story I really was expecting some hot supermodel. A Brazilian model with 42 plastic surgeries!?! The pictures proved disappointing. Forty two surgeries and this is what you get? Here’s one I found….you be the judge.

I’m sure you’ve all heard the news reports that dozens of people in Stephenville, Texas, including a pilot, county constable, and business owners, saw what they said was a UFO.  They described the object as “larger, quieter, faster, and lower to the ground than an airplane.”

At first, Air Force officials said that residents may have seen an illusion caused by two commercial airplanes and reflections from the setting sun.  Now they’re saying that fighter jets were training in the area during the time of the sitings.  Residents disagree, saying what they saw was definitely not airplanes.

What do you believe?  Do you believe in UFOs?  Is the government covering up their knowledge of UFOs? 

Personally, I don’t believe in them.  Why didn’t any of these dozens of people take a picture or video of what they were seeing?  I mean, come on, almost everyone has a camera on their cell phones these days, and not one picture?  I guess I’m a person that needs evidence.  And all the so-called UFO experts you see on TV seem like wackos to me.

On a side note, my Grandma swears that she saw a UFO in her backyard long ago.  She was lying on the couch listening to the CB radio (funny!) and heard two truck drivers talking about spotting a strange light in the sky and trying to figure out what it was.  My Grandma decided to go out in the backyard and see if she could see anything.  She looked up in the sky and saw what she swears was a saucer-shaped UFO.  My Grandpa was already in bed and she didn’t bother to wake him up and tell him about it.  Do I believe her story?  No, I think she must’ve been hitting the bottle that night or something. 

Last side note:  Thank God for cable tv, Tivo, and the internet.  There weren’t too many choices for entertainment back in the 60’s if you’re spending the evening listening to the ol’ CB!

Weird News Wednesday is back! Here’s the four weirdest news stories I could find this week:

Woman Stabs Husband Over Christmas Gift

I have one last heartwarming Christmas story before the holiday season ends. A woman allegedly stabbed her husband in the chest with a kitchen knife for opening a Christmas present early. The story doesn’t say what the gift was. The story also says the woman accused him of having an affair, so that might have had something to do with it too. Anyway, the lesson to get from this story is NO PEEKING!

Man Complains to Police About Cocaine Price Gouging

A Waynesboro, GA man allegedly complained to police that his drug dealer upped the price of cocaine. Apparently, the drug dealer originally offered to sell the drugs for $80 and then later upped the price to $220, threatening to kill the man if he didn’t pay. Hey, that’s price gouging and it’s illegal. I’m glad the man was smart enough to contact his local authorities. We can’t have things like that going on in the street. I hope he also contacted the Better Business Bureau.

TV Sidekick Found Naked in Truck

AOL.com is reporting that Tim Chapman, a sidekick of bounty hunter Duane “Dog” Chapman, turned himself into police after he was allegedly spotted by a shopping mall security guard naked and performing a lewd act in his truck. After being confronted by the guard, Chapman started his truck and took off, nearly hitting the guard.

Chapman’s lawyer insists that Chapman had just spilled “juice” all over his pants and was in the middle of changing his clothes when confronted. Sounds like a confession to me.

Mexican Boy Glues Hand to Bed to Avoid School

I wasn’t going to include this one because my favorite blogger, The Leaky Brain, used this one on her site. Go over and check it out because her take on it is much funnier than anything I could ever come up with.

This week’s edition looks at a molested mall Santa, a nasty Santa ghostwriter, the ghost of Axl Rose, a butt-pinning girlfriend, and a dating service that matches you with your body odor matching soulmate. Let’s get started…..

Mall Santa molested by 33-Year Old Woman

A mall Santa in Danbury, Connecticut has charged 33-year old Sandrama Lamy with molesting him while sitting on his lap. The story doesn’t say exactly what she did to molest him, but she was quickly caught by police because she was described as being on crutches. I wish the story had a picture of the alleged molestor, because she must have been ugly for the Santa to have complained.

“Rogue Elf” Wanted for Ghostwriting Obscene Notes from Santa

Apparently in Canada (Romi?) letters sent by Canadian children to Santa are written by an “11,000-strong army of Canada Post employees and volunteers.” The rogue elf allegedly wrote at least 10 nasty letters to children this year. Now what is wrong with this person? If Santa wants to avoid this problem in the future maybe he needs to start responding to children’s letters on his own. Apparently he doesn’t have either the time or the inclination and I find that sad.

Teacher Calls Police After Being Told She’s “Gonna Die”

A teacher barricaded herself in her classroom last Wednesday evening in Roxbury, Connecticut when she mistook someone singing “Welcome To The Jungle” over the school’s PA system as a threat on her life. She was working after hours when she heard someone over the PA say she was going to die.

Six troopers and three police dogs arrived to find the school’s custodian and two other teenagers playing with the PA system. No charges will be filed in the case.

I guess the “you’re gonna die” part might have scared her, but she should’ve enjoyed some of the other lyrics, like “you’re a very sexy girl, that’s very hard to please” and “we got fun and games” and “you can have anything you want.” Jeez, what a pessimist this teacher is.

Girlfriend Uses Buttocks to Pin Boyfriend To a Wall

Wow, these must be some strong buttocks! I couldn’t even begin to make this story up or improve upon it, so here’s a lengthy excerpt. Enjoy!

Constance Ann Hertel, 48, of Kanawha Avenue, had been arguing with her boyfriend for several hours Friday, and when the man tried to leave she wouldn’t let him, according to a criminal complaint filed in Kanawha County Magistrate Court.

According to the complaint, when the man tried to pack his belongings, Hertel came into his bedroom and threw a screwdriver at him, hitting him in the back.

She also struck him in the torso with a plastic cup, the complaint said.

Nitro Police Patrolman T.A. Fouch said in the report that Hertel then pinned the man against the wall with her buttocks, and as he tried to free himself, she grabbed him around the head and scratched him across the chest.

Fouch said he observed multiple large fingernail scratches from the top of the man’s left shoulder to the center of his chest, the complaint said.

Hertel also struck him several times in the facial area with an open hand and threw a television in the middle of the floor, the complaint said.

The complaint said that during an interview with police, Hertel said she also threw the victim’s daughter’s computer in the river.

Lastly for this week:

Dating Service Matches Couples By Odor

Tried Match.com or any other dating service without success? Maybe it’s time you tried ScientificMatch.com who promise to find you a date with “a natural odor you’ll love, with whom you’d have healthier children and a more satisfying sex life.”

In a press release, the company states “The fact is, we love how other people smell when their immune systems are different than ours - they smell sexier.”

Warning for you ladies, the story says that “women who take birth control pills, use hormonal patches, or implants aren’t good candidates. The hormones, the company said, leads women to be attracted to different people than those using other forms of contraception.” The service costs $1,995. Happy sniffing!