Daddy Dan

Note:  Each week I’ll be sending the panel a single question and providing their responses here.  The series will cover a wide range of questions, from the serious to the autobiographical to the silly.  If you have a question you’d like to see answered here, please contact me by e-mail by clicking on ‘Contact Me’ in the header or by leaving a comment.  The more creative the question, the more likely I’ll use it.

We’re at Week 2 of the “Ask The Bloggers” feature, and this week’s question is:

If you could go back in time and change any event in history, what would it be, how would you change it, and why?

Jenny from The Bloggess:

I’d go back to this morning and tell myself that the coke machine is out of service and will eat my last dollar.  I really need a coke.  And when I was there I’d tell me that my hair looks nice because sometimes a girl needs to hear it.

Avill from Meville:

Change time? Uh no…I don’t want to mess with that. Haven’t you seen the butterfly effects that those heroes on Heroes have caused?! You can’t even tell who’s good, who’s naughty, or how the world will end anymore because of all of their do-overs. No thanks, please.

Mike from The Newborn Identity:

I would go back in time to stop those a-holes who recorded “I’m Too Sexy.” Someone else can stop the Holocaust…I personally think stopping “Right Said Fred” is my mission. ‘Cause for reals, ya’all, that song smells!

Katie from La Petite Chic:

Assuming the Bible is accurate, Adam and Eve wouldn’t have eaten the apple and we would all be living in bliss in the Garden of Eden.

.

Black Hockey Jesus from The Wind In My Vagina:

This makes my brain hurt because of the way everything’s connected and what if I botched up the possibility of my own birth? Then I’d never have the chance to go back in time and botch up my own birth. So then maybe I wouldn’t botch up my own birth. But where are we now? Square fucking one, that’s where. You know what? To hell with my own birth. I’d go back and find that mutant fish that grew the feet. After all those millions of years of evolution, I’d wait for it to limp on the beach and squash it’s head with my boot heel. I’d say “You were only headed for plastic and global warming anyway you no good meddler. Should’ve stuck with your essence and stayed in the ocean. Now you’re dead, evolutionary mutant fish!” And this magic blue and green ball would spin on. Until the next meddling no good mutant fish limped out of the water.

Mike from Unraveling Life’s Mysteries:

First, as any really dedicated true “Trekkie” will tell you, it is against “The Prime Directive” to change time or events or be involved with another civilization other than your own.

But with that said and since that’s not the case for us who are NOT geeks, I’d go back in time and look for the answer to the age old question:

Which came first, the chicken or the egg. (I’m betting on the chicken.)

Jenn from Free and Flawed:

Is 2007 considered history? If so, I’d go back to Superbowl XLI (DD note: The Colts beat the Bears, 29-17.  The Colts sealed the victory when a Rex Grossman pass was intercepted and returned for a touchdown in the 4th quarter.) and do one of the following:

• Teach Rex Grossman how to throw a football.
• Punch Peyton Manning in the face.
• Do a happy dance in the end zone.
• Pinch Robbie Gould’s toosh.
• Punch Peyton Manning in the face again.
• Shave Orton’s neck beard.
• Kick Rex Grossman’s shin.

Eff’in Bears…

Jennster from Jennster’s Blog:

oh good lord.. you can’t ask something like this!  LOL…  i guess you just did.  while there have been many utterly horrifying things that have happened in history-  i think that changing, even altering one event ever so slightly, could have catastrophic consequences we can’t even begin to imagine.  i’m of the thinking that everything happens for a reason, and that we all learn, grow, or get something positive out of everything (even things that are truly horrific and heartbreaking).  so yeah, i wouldn’t change a thing.  i’m a pussy huh?

Maya from Gemini Girl:

Hmm.. I think I’ve seen way too many “Back to the Future” movies to know that if you change something from the past- it can alter the future greatly, and not necessarily for the better. Who knows if you come back from your trip to the past, only to realize you are suddenly sporting a tail?

Chag from Cynical Dad:

I would go back in time 65 million years or so and save the dinosaurs. I’d like the Loch Ness Monster to have some friends. And it would be much cooler taking a pterodactyl to the grocery story instead of our lame ass Camry. But parking would probably be a bitch.

Maybe I’ve watched Jurassic Park too many times. Or The Flintstones.

Sarah from Sensibly Sassy:

I would go back in time and prevent Kennedy from getting assassinated. I just wonder what else he could have accomplished if given the chance. Sorry, this week I have politics on the brain.

Surfer Jay from I Have To Wipe His What?:

I would change an event in my history. The year 1997. I would not have had sex with my ex-girlfriend on one particular alcohol and drug-infused night. I would change it by going home with this other hot chick that I always wanted to be with, but I never had the nerve to break up with the current girlfriend to hook up with her. Of course that would have then forced the break up too. Too bad I didn’t, because that’s the night we got pregnant. Of course we didn’t know we were pregnant until four months later. And those four months were filled with excessive drug and alcohol abuse by her. And then we decided to have an abortion out of fear of giving birth to a mentally/physically damaged baby. So if I just went home with that other chick that night I wouldn’t have the murder of my unborn baby bearing down on my conscience all these years.

Jonathan from Dorky Dad:

If I could go back in time and change any event in history, I’d go back to the day that somebody decided that Rob Schneider is a marketable comedian worthy of a starring role on Saturday Night Live followed by several feature films. I’d find the guy who made that decision and beat him senselessly with a baseball bat. Then I’d lock him in a room and force him to watch “Deuce Bigalow” for three weeks straight with his eyes propped open, Clockwork Orange style.

I don’t really think I need to tell you why.

Jeremy from Discovering Dad:

If I could go back in time and change ANY event in history, it would be September 11, 2001.  This is, by far, the most poignant and tragic event I can recall in my adult lifetime.  The terrorist attacks devastated thousands of families, and it marked the beginning of this incredibly difficult path that America is on to better protect the homeland while policing the entire world.

I’m not sure exactly what I would have done to prevent the attacks from happening; but if I was in a position of authority within President Bush’s senior staff, I would have encouraged people to take the warnings issued by federal agencies more seriously.  In fact, I would have forced the intelligence agencies to take it more seriously too.  Someone somewhere should have figured this thing out before it happened and convinced leaders to take preventative measures.

If I wasn’t able to thwart 9/11, then I guess I’d have to settle for knocking some sense into whomever it was that started the trend of teenage boys wearing their pants so low that I can see their boxers and butt cracks.  I mean, seriously, how the hell is this style cool?  Parents – pull your kids effin’ pants up!  This fad is NOT “Crack-I-Lack-In,” in the words of Chris Rock.  Instead, it’s more like the words of Whitney Houston, “Crack is whack!”

Vegas Dad from iVegas Family:

Another great question Dan. My obvious answer would be 9/11. Even if I look like some kind of nut job, I’d go warn everyone. But an even better answer would be Florida in November 2000. I’d stand outside of voting stations and tell people how to prevent those crazy hanging chads.

Katie from K Squared:

One of the first things I initially thought of changing was the Iraq war. But we don’t know yet how that will turn out, so although I don’t agree with what’s happening over there, I can’t say I would change the entire course of events that led us there. And I really wanted to have an intelligent, well thought out answer about some ancient even that I would change if I had the power, but that’s just it…you can’t change history. Everything that happened in America, in the world, etc., has led us to what we are today. And although I really wish we were a better America than what we currently are, everything throughout history has brought us to this point. It has taught us all something. I see this question the same way I see the question “do you have any regrets” – and I don’t think I do, because everything has taught me something.

Matt from DC Urban Dad:

2 words – hanging chad.  Do you need to ask why?

Tags: Ask The Bloggers, History, Humor, Time Travel

Related posts:

1. Ask The Bloggers: Week 5 – Best Prank
2. Ask The Bloggers: Week 4 – Great Advice For New Bloggers
3. Ask The Bloggers: Week 3 – Ghost Stories
4. Ask The Bloggers: Week 7 – Fantastic Blog Recommendations
5. Ask The Bloggers: Week 1 – What Would You Do If You Were Elected President?