On Friday morning, on the way to Disneyland, I had to drop by Babito’s new daycare provider to drop off our deposit to hold our spot starting next month. I rang the doorbell and Miss Debbie, the daycare provider, opened the door. I was anxious to get a peek into the house to see the children that Babito would be spending so many hours with in the near future.
I wanted to see if they looked happy, content. I wanted to see if they looked friendly. I wanted to make sure there were no little bullies that were going to make Babito sad or end up changing his sweet, gentle, loving disposition.
As Miss Debbie opened the door, I saw five friendly little toddlers standing behind her, craning to see who it was at the door. They were all smiling and a few even waved to me. They all seemed happy, but they all seemed to have a sense of longing, of hope, that it was their mommy or daddy at the door to pick them up. I thought of Babito doing something similar someday when someone else was at the door. It made me sad. Sad and a little guilty that we have been dropping Babito off at a place like this every weekday since he was just a baby.
I got back in the car, looked back at Babito in his car seat, and with watering eyes, looked at him and said “Someday soon you’ll be staying home with Mommy, Babe, I promise. I’m sorry.”
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#1 by Mike on August 4th, 2008
Been there, done that as well. Just know that as soon as the door shuts those kids are still have the time of their lives, even without you. They are learning to socially adjust with other kids, which will make the transistion to school much easier.
The ideal situation is to have it be a part time thing. More time with your kid and yet they have some time with playmates.
Hang in there. He knows you love him..
#2 by Katie on August 4th, 2008
Though I’m sure it’s hard, try to think of the positive…Babito will great exposure to other little ones and make some good friendships. Hang in there.
#3 by Daddy Dan on August 4th, 2008
Mike: I know he has a great time playing with the other kids. I’m especially happy that there are two kids a year older than him here (he was the oldest at his prior daycare). He should learn a lot from them.
Katie: You’re right. There are many positives about going to daycare. Thanks for the reminder. I’m still looking forward to his Mommy staying home with him full-time (and so is Mommy!). She’ll have to arrange some playdates with our neighbors’ kids, plus he’ll be starting pre-school in about a year or so…I can’t believe how fast he’s growing up.
#4 by becky on August 4th, 2008
um you can not post things like this and have a pregnant woman read it WITHOUT crying.
#5 by Daddy Dan on August 4th, 2008
Becky: Sorry! I’ll try to be more upbeat in my next post.
#6 by Jenna on August 4th, 2008
OMG. You hit a note. I still have days like this. And I have days where I feel terrible about putting them there since they were four months old. That guilt kicks in so much. Though, the exposure is good, but I’d prefer it not to be every weekday.
Hang in there.
#7 by Daddy Dan on August 4th, 2008
Jenna: Sorry about that, I wasn’t trying to make anyone feel bad. My wife said the same thing to me when she read the post.
#8 by Jamie on August 5th, 2008
It’s so hard. But there really is no right or wrong in the situation. There are just so many pros/cons to both…daycare can be great for kids and so can staying home with a parent.
I think it’s all so much harder for us, the parents…questioning our motives, wondering if we’re doing the right thing, the guilt, etc. Hang in there. We still haven’t got it figured out. Heh. Somedays, I’m convinced working would be a better alternative…other days thankful that I am a SAHM. Part-time would be ideal, if we could finally make it work, but that’s the hard part.
#9 by Debbie on August 5th, 2008
Aaagghhhh…you killed me!
I know the feeling…I just keep reminding myself of the positives about the kids being in childcare. And the newest I’ve come up with? Once they’re five, they’re in school all the time (depending on the full-day/half-day kindergarten thing) and nobody thinks twice about “dumping” their kids in school, so why do we beat ourselves up about it before they’re five???
I ask that even though I’m very guilty of it…..
#10 by Mike from the Newborn Identity on August 5th, 2008
Being a parent – or a human for that matter – seems like constant compromise between what you want to do and what you have to do to survive.
I supose all will be okay as long as you always keep your kids best interests in mind as it seems you are!
#11 by Daddy Dan on August 5th, 2008
Mike: Good points, Mike.
#12 by Terri on August 11th, 2008
I’ve been the daycare mom. I ran a home daycare for 11 years. While reading this post, I could remember the kids pressing their noses up against the living room windows to see whose parents’ car was in the driveway. I remembered the little boy with such severe separation anxiety that he stood at the window crying EVERY SINGLE day when his dad dropped him off. As much as I wanted to be the perfect replacement for their parents, it’s something I could never be. BUT… the reality is, what you witnessed was a fleeting moment in the day of those kids. Kids are resilient. A game, a craft project, some toys, a story, a hug…. all of those things can make it all better in the next moment; even make them completely forget that they might be missing mom or dad.
There’s no right or wrong way to do it. Millions of kids have survived daycare, and millions of others were able to spend their days in their own homes with their own parents. There are pros and cons to each. You can only do the best you can do and it sounds like you are doing just that.
Terris last blog post..Back from vacation