I don’t know what it is, probably being a Dad myself now, but I’ve been thinking a lot about my Grandpa, who died a little over 10 years ago. I think he’s been on my mind because I was very close to him and he was such a great father and grandfather and, along with my Dad’s influence and example, I’ve been trying to be like him in the way I raise the Babito.
To this day, I have some regrets and guilt when I think about my Grandpa. A little before he died he had to go in and have an aneurysm near his aorta taken care of. Since he was a lifelong smoker, the doctors said the surgery would be riskier and it may take him more time to recover. He was doing well after his surgery, but then he began getting lung infections and ultimately pneumonia. He never left the hospital after his surgery. He was there for a few month before he died.
My regret is that I only went to the hospital a few times after he took a turn for the worse. The first time I went after he started having lung problems was very, very hard for me to take. It broke my heart to see him like that, and I had a hard time going up to see him after that. Through my whole life he was always there for me, taking us to baseball games, attending nearly every baseball game I played in, and always making the time for us when we’d go over to spend the weekend with him and my grandma. In his time of greatest need and fear I wasn’t there for him the way I should have been. It makes me sad and ashamed every time I think about it. I did make it up to the hospital shortly before he died and was able to kiss him, tell him I loved him, and thanking him for being such a great grandpa.
I’m trying to pay him back by being the best father I can be to the Babito. He was always kind and never had a bad word to say about anyone. He always put family first. He always had a joke when you were down. He was always there when you needed anything at all. I know he’s looking down and watching me, and I hope I’m making him proud. I just hope I can be half the father he was to my Mom and Aunt. I wish he could have lived long enough to be around so the Babito could have known him. My grandpa would’ve just adored the Babito like he adored all his other grand and great-grandkids. Someday I’ll tell the Babito all about him.
Here’s some pictures of my Grandpa:
With my Grandma during World War II:
Working at a gas station in the ’50’s:
With his brother-in-law, and best friend, Tony:
With my Mom on her wedding day:
With me (on the left) and my brother:
With me and my Grandma at my college graduation:
and lastly, with my Grandma at their 50th wedding anniversary party:
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#1 by happyworkingmom on November 5th, 2007
Wonderful pictures!
I know how you feel about the guilt…I too had a hard time with seeing my grandfather when he was dying. I felt like such a horrible person and the times I went really were only to make my dad happy (he didn’t know this of course…I acted like I truly wanted to visit my grandfather). I can’t pinpoint why it was so hard for me…but then again, I was never really close to my grandparents. But my kids are close to their grandparents, and I worry about when that day comes for them how it will be.
Don’t let yourself succomb to the guilt…it won’t get you anywhere. It just makes you feel bad which isn’t doing anyone any good at all.
#2 by Alexandra on November 5th, 2007
Thanks for sharing those thoughts. I know that’s hard. I have a similar regret about my grandma. She died suddenly, so she wasn’t in the hospital or anything, but the last time I spoke to her, she called for my dad, and I was watching some stupid TV show, which I can’t even remember. She was trying to talk to me and I totally brushed her off. She had a stroke a few days later. This was 10 years ago, and to this day, I have so much guilt about that!
But she knew and knows that I loved her dearly, just as your grandpa knew and knows. I’m sure he knew it was hard for you to see him like that, and I’m sure he understood.
I’m glad you have so many fond memories of him! He sounds like he was a wonderful man, and I’m sure he’d be very proud of you today!
#3 by WendyB on November 5th, 2007
Fabulous pictures. I think most people feel guilt when someone they love dies. It’s human nature to dwell on regrets. Even if you’re expecting a death, I think it’s hard to attain total closure. If you were there ’round the clock, holding his hand, something else would come to mind that would worry you. (Probably the fact that you secretly resented being there around the clock.) Really, I think regret and guilt after a death can probably just be lumped under grief, rather being seen as separate or parallel emotions. It’s a cliche but it’s not any less true: Your grandfather knew how you felt about him.
#4 by Valley Girl on November 5th, 2007
Those are wonderful pictures!!!!!!!! Thanks for sharing!!!!
#5 by romi41 on November 5th, 2007
Those are such lovely pictures
. No matter how you may feel about the past, I think it says a lot that you wrote this tribute. And to think you’ll get to honor him again when you tell the little Babito all about him 
#6 by kay on November 5th, 2007
those pictures are great!! i love old family photos…in your grad pic you look very tall so referring to your last post “wow 6′4″ is very tall”
#7 by Kat on November 5th, 2007
Well, you’ve inspired me. My grandmother is in the hospital right now, recovering from having broken her 2nd hip in 4 years. She’s been there for 2 weeks, and between having a sick toddler and a major deadline to make I just called her for the first time today. It is lonely and boring in the skilled nursing facility she’s in right now. She was totally thrilled to get the phone call. She’s 92 and won’t last forever. I’m going to take my son down to see her next weekend. This post just made me think… she always seems like she’s going to go on being a tough old broad forever, but what if I never saw her again? Would I regret it? Could I have done more? Yep.
#8 by Nick on November 5th, 2007
Terrific post! As his legacy lives on through you, the guilt will lessen. At least that’s the combination I would imagine he was pulling for.
#9 by abarclay12 on November 5th, 2007
Great post DD. It made me a little sad to see all those pictures of your grandpa. He looked like one cool cat lying there on the lawn with his brother-in-law. I’m sure he knew you loved him, and you’re right – the best way to honor him is to be the best DD to the babitz.
#10 by Daddy Dan on November 6th, 2007
Thanks everyone for the comments. They mean a lot to me.
HappyWorkingMom: It’s great that your kids are close to their grandparents. They’re lucky….a lot of kids don’t get that chance.
Alexandra: Thanks, that’s terrible about your Grandma, and I’m sure she knew how much you loved her.
Wendy: Thanks for your comments. I agree with you.
Valley Girl: Thanks! We used most of those pictures for a slideshow we put together for my Grandma’s 80th birthday party. I love old pictures. I need to get more from my Mom and Grandma and scan them.
Romi: Thanks. We have a collage of old pictures up in the Babito’s room, including pictures of me and my wife as babies. The picture above in the pool is part of that collage.
Kay: Thanks, I look even taller next to my grandparents. My grandpa was pretty short, I think about 5′8″.
Kat: Wow, I’m glad I could inspire you! That was nice of you to call her and I’m sure you’ll make her week when you go to visit her.
Nick: Yes, the guilt has lessened over the years, but it still hits me from time to time.
Abarclay: He was definitely one cool cat.
#11 by becky on November 6th, 2007
this is great and so sweet to read. i think youre a great dad and i think your grandfather would be so proud of you.
#12 by Daddy Dan on November 6th, 2007
Becky: Thank you so much for the compliments! By the way, I hope you noticed my tagging of you.